(Posted on December 21st, 2014)
If there's anything that makes my gut wrench and my insides churn in abnormally, it's when I'm being more open about myself. I find myself having a hard time sharing the more personal matters of my life, and when I do, I feel regretful.
Thankfully, this year was abundant in healing.
Christ was constantly stitching the wounds in my absurdly weak heart, and mending it with his truthful words and his loving presence.
ever so slowly,
I'm realizing that loving and connecting with others means being able to okay with being vulnerable all over again. I never knew how deeply certain events can effect you on a subconscious level. But by being transparent with who I am, I was able to realize these things. You can bet that these things are uncomfortably being chiseled away.
So uncomfortably that I get tempted to run back to my comfort place.
But I can't, because there's such a gift in being authentic with your being, you're able to connect with more people by being raw, and also able to examine your heart more easily.
It's apparent that I'm so unbelievably and utterly frightened of this uncomfortable process, but with time and the process of breaking and healing - I'm sure I'll learn to be okay with all over all again.
This isn't a sentimental message to say I'm falling in love, because I'm not.
This isn't to say that I'm in a season of hurt and pain, because I'm not.
This is just a post to share how I really feel when I'm being more open, just something that's been in my mind for the past 2 weeks, as I prepare an exciting yet more nerve racking testimonial video - something I wanted to do for years.
Prayers will be much appreciated.
(Specifically to put the focus on the glory of Christ, and not myself and also to deliver the message as effectively and truthfully as possible.)
Top image by: skippedheartbeats